You commonly hear people talking about wanting to have a 6 pack. Really they should be trying to work on their 12 pack. The body needs food, water and excercise, but, it also needs to nurish and increase its MQ, EQ and SQ. Forget IQ. The vagabond doesn't play that tune. Right! That's where my new and improved revoluntionary Vagabond 12 pack fitness regime comes in. No funny gadgets that fold up neatly and go under the bed or office table, no trolly dollies trying to sell an over the top, run of the mill, good looking but completely nonsensical piece of junk that looks like a cross between a can opener, a set of skies, a pub stool, and a set of chrome forks off a Grifter. The vagabond doesn't need this. Eusebius spits on it. Brutos pisses on it. We're talking the real world. The vagabons's world.
It's kind of weird when you set off on a crusade to learn a new language, and get immersed in a new culture. Your brain automatically and involuntary steps up an extra notch on the eruidtion ladder. It's a bit like that feeling you get before you sit the Leaving Cert. You've trained your brain to be a muscle, that flexs and pulsates. It's a thumping, pumping, jumping,massive sponge, soaking in everything around it at warp speed. It's crying out to be squeezed. I feel it a bit like that now. It's not as big or capable of holding as much water, yet, but it will be soon. We were talking about it last night. We all agree. Leaving certs and sponges. I think pressure is a trunk. Brutos agrees that necessity is also a trunk, the mother of invention. Eusebius believes that pressure, and necessity together, are the mother of retention ,and, he added with a voracious bark, the foundation from which the tall tree of knowledge can stretch with its branches high into the deep azure, and yawn with its gangly roots deep into the fertile earth. Maybe he's got a point. Brutos frowned and didn't retort. He hates when Eusebius says something that makes his comments sound trivial or inconsequential. Makes his fur stand and he shows the white of his teeth and his pink saliva gleaming gums. Anyway I digress. What's this regime I hear you bark?
Okay so you want to work on your two 6 packs, no problem you just need as ever in life: dedication, belief and good old attention to detail. This is how the vagabond has been doing it :
Body:
1 glass of Guarana juice each day
1 slice Mamão papaya
1 laranja verde
4 chunks of picanha steak
3 pieces of pão de queijo (chesse bread)
8 bottles of Bohemia Antartica cerveja
2 classes of Caipirinha
1 pack of crisps (they don't have and quality crisps down here. Well not that i've found yet. No hunger busters, no hunky dorry buffalos, not even some bikers, wheelies, chicatees or burger bites. They've got a pack called Ruffles. Cheese and onion. I'd give them a generous 4 out of 10. But, i'm not complaining they're helping me reach 6 pack nirvana!).
-8 press ups in the morning, 8 just before a snooze in the evening and then a flurry of 20 before bed.
-2 star jumps
-2 extensions of the free arm when brushing teeth
-2 extensions of the free leg while tieing the lace of my shoes on the other and last but not least
-1 really long stretch that ends up in a big leap in the air where you try to bring your knees to your chest.
Okay so you now no a little more about how i'm keeping the kinetics going now it's time to reveal some of the vagathelete's secrets on how I've been working on my MQ, EQ and SQ??
Mind, Emotion and Soul:
-At least one tune a day: preferably a Samba tune, a Paul Oakenfold tune, a Sepultura tune or my personal favourite Jorge Ben Jor.
-The reading of at least one chapter from one of my books. So far I'm nearly finished Life of Pi. Pi and his Bengal tiger have been whipping my six pack into shape.
10 new Portugese words or phrases a day. Every regime has it's targets and that's one of my basic ones: tigela (bowl); mau (evil); amargo (sour); doce (sweet), bunda (ass), gostosa (basically that's what you say to a woman you think is deadly, i'll let you figure the direct translation out yourself!); abraços (hugs); devagar (slow); manteiga (butter) and rápido (fast). Wuuuuuu, i'm breathless after those head-ups, give me a 100 sit ups any day! Agua por favor!
-10 pronuciation excercises. Let me try explain this as simply as I can. They stress words over here and they make nasal sounds. The noises are ones we simply don't make in English. In order to master the language you got to tame these wild pronounication beasts. Practice will be my tranquilliser. Perseverance my whip.
-At least one gawk, gaze, glare, glim, glom, goggle or ogle, (whatever you dirty, lascivious, lurid people want to call it) at the amazingly beautiful women over here. Believe me when I say it helps the six pack. As saint Paul said in the bible 'Build your mind on good things', and wow do they have good things over here!
-At least 5 minutes watching Brazilian soap operas. Still have't figured out what they're going on about but the ones i've seen so far are a cross between Dallas, Heart to Heart and Fair City. Loads of cool barnets that stick up as if they've been electricuted and the odd cool double pointy moustache. Which I intend to copy very soon.
Anyway the vagabond has an overall 5 pack at the moment ( 1 and 4). But with the constant encouragement of his four legged companions, training, prayers and vitamins he's going to have a 12 pack in no time!
It's not a mater of 'if' it's simply a matter of quando?!
And don't forget you can send me free texts at my local mobile provider ( Tim) http://homepage.eircom.net/~ewaterford/contact_dec/
Send some!!
