Tuesday, March 30, 2004

The Vagabond's 12 pack fitness regime

You commonly hear people talking about wanting to have a 6 pack. Really they should be trying to work on their 12 pack. The body needs food, water and excercise, but, it also needs to nurish and increase its MQ, EQ and SQ. Forget IQ. The vagabond doesn't play that tune. Right! That's where my new and improved revoluntionary Vagabond 12 pack fitness regime comes in. No funny gadgets that fold up neatly and go under the bed or office table, no trolly dollies trying to sell an over the top, run of the mill, good looking but completely nonsensical piece of junk that looks like a cross between a can opener, a set of skies, a pub stool, and a set of chrome forks off a Grifter. The vagabond doesn't need this. Eusebius spits on it. Brutos pisses on it. We're talking the real world. The vagabons's world.

It's kind of weird when you set off on a crusade to learn a new language, and get immersed in a new culture. Your brain automatically and involuntary steps up an extra notch on the eruidtion ladder. It's a bit like that feeling you get before you sit the Leaving Cert. You've trained your brain to be a muscle, that flexs and pulsates. It's a thumping, pumping, jumping,massive sponge, soaking in everything around it at warp speed. It's crying out to be squeezed. I feel it a bit like that now. It's not as big or capable of holding as much water, yet, but it will be soon. We were talking about it last night. We all agree. Leaving certs and sponges. I think pressure is a trunk. Brutos agrees that necessity is also a trunk, the mother of invention. Eusebius believes that pressure, and necessity together, are the mother of retention ,and, he added with a voracious bark, the foundation from which the tall tree of knowledge can stretch with its branches high into the deep azure, and yawn with its gangly roots deep into the fertile earth. Maybe he's got a point. Brutos frowned and didn't retort. He hates when Eusebius says something that makes his comments sound trivial or inconsequential. Makes his fur stand and he shows the white of his teeth and his pink saliva gleaming gums. Anyway I digress. What's this regime I hear you bark?

Okay so you want to work on your two 6 packs, no problem you just need as ever in life: dedication, belief and good old attention to detail. This is how the vagabond has been doing it :

Body:
1 glass of Guarana juice each day
1 slice Mamão papaya
1 laranja verde
4 chunks of picanha steak
3 pieces of pão de queijo (chesse bread)
8 bottles of Bohemia Antartica cerveja
2 classes of Caipirinha
1 pack of crisps (they don't have and quality crisps down here. Well not that i've found yet. No hunger busters, no hunky dorry buffalos, not even some bikers, wheelies, chicatees or burger bites. They've got a pack called Ruffles. Cheese and onion. I'd give them a generous 4 out of 10. But, i'm not complaining they're helping me reach 6 pack nirvana!).
-8 press ups in the morning, 8 just before a snooze in the evening and then a flurry of 20 before bed.
-2 star jumps
-2 extensions of the free arm when brushing teeth
-2 extensions of the free leg while tieing the lace of my shoes on the other and last but not least
-1 really long stretch that ends up in a big leap in the air where you try to bring your knees to your chest.

Okay so you now no a little more about how i'm keeping the kinetics going now it's time to reveal some of the vagathelete's secrets on how I've been working on my MQ, EQ and SQ??

Mind, Emotion and Soul:
-At least one tune a day: preferably a Samba tune, a Paul Oakenfold tune, a Sepultura tune or my personal favourite Jorge Ben Jor.
-The reading of at least one chapter from one of my books. So far I'm nearly finished Life of Pi. Pi and his Bengal tiger have been whipping my six pack into shape.
10 new Portugese words or phrases a day. Every regime has it's targets and that's one of my basic ones: tigela (bowl); mau (evil); amargo (sour); doce (sweet), bunda (ass), gostosa (basically that's what you say to a woman you think is deadly, i'll let you figure the direct translation out yourself!); abraços (hugs); devagar (slow); manteiga (butter) and rápido (fast). Wuuuuuu, i'm breathless after those head-ups, give me a 100 sit ups any day! Agua por favor!
-10 pronuciation excercises. Let me try explain this as simply as I can. They stress words over here and they make nasal sounds. The noises are ones we simply don't make in English. In order to master the language you got to tame these wild pronounication beasts. Practice will be my tranquilliser. Perseverance my whip.
-At least one gawk, gaze, glare, glim, glom, goggle or ogle, (whatever you dirty, lascivious, lurid people want to call it) at the amazingly beautiful women over here. Believe me when I say it helps the six pack. As saint Paul said in the bible 'Build your mind on good things', and wow do they have good things over here!
-At least 5 minutes watching Brazilian soap operas. Still have't figured out what they're going on about but the ones i've seen so far are a cross between Dallas, Heart to Heart and Fair City. Loads of cool barnets that stick up as if they've been electricuted and the odd cool double pointy moustache. Which I intend to copy very soon.

Anyway the vagabond has an overall 5 pack at the moment ( 1 and 4). But with the constant encouragement of his four legged companions, training, prayers and vitamins he's going to have a 12 pack in no time!

It's not a mater of 'if' it's simply a matter of quando?!

And don't forget you can send me free texts at my local mobile provider ( Tim) http://homepage.eircom.net/~ewaterford/contact_dec/
Send some!!

13 of the nicest dodgiest ones

Day 6
Temp: 22c with thunder and lightning
Location: São Paulo
GMT -3

All is well. Last few days have been brillant. Went to an Irish bar called Cochrans. I drank 13th dodgy Guinness over the space of the night. It was like your typical Irish pub, with all the stereotypical irish memorabilia but the cool thing about it was I was the only Irishman and the only gringo there. I was immersed in Brazilian conversations, Brazilin dancing and Brazilian drinks. Eusebius tried some of the booze and frowned, Brutos went nuts with delight and started chasing his tail and jumping up onto my lap!! He's havins such a wonderful time.

Following day went to a restaurant called Bar Brahma. They eat differently over her on a number of levels: alot of fresh fruit, rice and beans; in this bar everyone was dancing to Samba between courses and the beer was constantly flowing (gelado: cold). It was great, we were in there for 4/5 hours I got to see a lot of people I had't seen in along time: Mad Jap, NASDQ, the beautiful Marcela and much much more. I've got some cool photos and some cool clips on the camcorder, I'll try get the snaps up as soon as I can. I think it was our favourite experience so far.

Gotta run. I'm getting called to eat some food and the dogs are barking. There getting excited we're going to a suprise party tonight.

Started my first Portugese lesson with the talented Christina. An excellent teacher. She is going to get me successfully to the finishing post. I'll be studying privately 4 days a week for an hour and a half per class. I used the cam corder for today's lesson and it worked fantastically. I'll definitely be using it again!

Note: Found out to send free texts on the Net http://homepage.eircom.net/~ewaterford/contact_dec/
Send some!!

Thursday, March 25, 2004

BB King

Day 3
Temp: 24

After a little searching i've managed to find an Internet cafe that has a USB connection that works with my memory stick. Means i can write blogs a little eaasier now. It's B$4 an hour, which is about 1euro. I've also just learned that there is about 50 different wi-fi cafes in the area i'm staying. The boys down here are away ahead of us when it comes to broadband access. I'm going to try find one at the weekend and see if I can hook up with my laptop and card.

Tonight I go to a BB King concert with some of my friends. Should be fun and tomorrow is my official Brazilian 30th birthday. Will be great fun. Can't wait.

My address at the moment until I find my own apartment is:
Avenida Higienópolis 938/77
CEP:01238-000
São Paulo-SP
Brasil

Leaving and the rise and fall of the silent knot

Day 2
Location: Sao Paulo
Temperature: 22c
Book: Life of Pi pg120

Leaving Ireland was tough. For any of you have headed away for any extensive period of time you’ll probably agree that there is an involuntary instinctive reflex that makes it hard to push one foot after the other towards the departure gates once you’ve said your “slán go foills” to your loved ones and close friends. Well that’s the way it was for me. It’s a bit like walking through very shallow quick sand. You can get through it, there is no doubt that you won’t, but nonetheless you can feel a pull. A clawing type of motion. Like a tracker beam pointing on your heels. It’s strange! Something else that happened worth nothing is something Eusebius said he experienced. Ever since the three of us decided to hit the road Eusebius has been complaining about a knot. He said that when we were walking up the quays one day, passing the Ha-Penny bridge that he looked at the right knot on my Adidas boot runners. As I was attending a trailing lace he recalls the knot hypnotising him. He said it was as if the knot that I tied on those laces somehow went into his body and festered, insidiously, clandestinely at the end of his tail until it violently, and acrimoniously chased from his tail, through his stomach, onto his tongue and out of his mouth. It all happened in a matter of seconds. His report went on to explain that as he went through the departure gates, turning and waging his tail for the last time, it shot out of him like a flame ridden ball bearing from a giant black-widow and pierced an emotional bubble in him he never knew existed. Brutos just laughed and his report. He laughed so hard he nearly wet his fur. It actually caused a fight. It was the first time I’ve seen Eusebius attack Brutos in over ten years. It’s always the other way around. It scared the living day lights out of Brutos. Should have seen him! He was like a harmless little pup again: unconfident, frightened, submissive. I haven’t seen him like that for a long long time. After a few hours silence they were talking again so it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Both apologised to each other and shook tails; well, I kind of made them do it, but it didn’t take much coercion. They were both feeling bad. Anyway, Brutos, true to form, experienced no catharsis, bubbles, balloons, kites are knots of any description. He simply said he was brimming with excitement at the possibility of getting on the road and doing some serious experience hunting. He did add however that his nose has never been so pink or wet in his life!?!

The flight down was comfortable. It makes a big difference when your flight is leaving at 12’o’clock at night. You naturally fall asleep which I find difficult at the best of times when flying. It helped that there was no one sitting beside me on the way down. It gave me the rare luxury of being able to spread my legs across two seats before getting into the cushion aided, blanket covered foetal position that I’ve been accustomed to getting into on long trips. It felt like being in first class. Overall, I’d certainly fly Iberia again. It was pleasant, the food was better than most I’ve experienced at 10,000 meters and the staff were very cordial and attentive. I’d have to subtract a few points though for the absence of the nowadays typical earphone, radio come film option.

When I arrived there was a customs official strike which meant that four or five plane fulls of people had to queue together to go through immigration. It was pandemonium at the start but it settled fairly quickly, I didn’t find it too bad. Luckily enough, as you do, I bumped into a lovely Naas woman called Deirdre who was down in Brazil for two weeks to hook up with her boyfriend. We traded many a story and with the flapping of an eye lash we were through and stamped. I was warmly greeted by my Brazilian family at the gates. The boisterous and ever welcoming duo of Marcel and Lincoln were there. Muito obrigado! From there we hit the crazier than ever Sao Paulo traffic and headed to Marcel’s apartment to drop off all my gear. And after a quick shower, and a little unpacking I headed to meet some of my other friends for a few beers. It was fantastic to catch up with some stories, learn some new Portuguese phrases, and drink some: Bohemia and Antarctica, and get my teeth into a 30lbs Sirloin steak. I actually got change from ten euros! It was a great start to the day, a firm step on my travels and a wonderfully positive view outwards into my 30s. If the days ahead are anything like this one the future looks bright and the voyage looks exciting……both Eusebius and Brutos are wagging their tails and jumping up and down in agreement….something feels good

I’ve also managed to get myself a local sim-card. It’s with an operator called: Tim. I can now be contacted on my mobile on 0055-(0)11-82767178. I’ve already tried it with the brother and I can take texts as well. I’ll try figure out in the next few days how you can text me cheaply from home. As far as I know it’s about 20c a text to me down here. If anyone can come up with a good site on the net to send from, let me know.

Vagabond Tip: Something I nearly forgot on my travels but am already glad to report have used already is: ankle socks, and a small light for your key ring. I’ve used both already.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

30th and Leaving party

Location: Dublin
Days to Go: 1

Thanks a 1,000,000 to all (especially the Swedish underpants, Inca hat wearing, dance in the buff Kevin "Chief" O'Hara) for a very special night on Friday. It was excellent.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Balancing Acts and that one thing you know you've forgot!

As some of you know packing for a weekend away can be a troublesome task! Packing for a one week holiday can cause a migraine, and has been known to be stressful enough to even cause nasty arguments with the girlfriend. The thing is there are simply so many factors to consider: bring five pairs of socks or six? bring all your favourite t-shirts or just bring a few of them and have a few extra scrubbers for water sports, mud wrestling, sand boarding or whatever! bring two or three books or just buy them when you’re there, take the digital camera, an extra memory stick and the mobile as well???? Okay, let’s just put it this way. On a scale of 1-10 I’d give a one-week holiday a generous four in difficulty compared to getting ready for a 10 out of 10 Phillieas Fog trip. The Philleas packing is a very delicate, hire wire, balancing act with: practically, experience and Eusbius on one side and complete recklessness, vainglory and Brutos on the other side. It’s the only way I can put it.

So far here is what I’ve managed to organise. I’ll write more when I get the chance. If any of you have any tips on what other things I should bring or things I should organise before I go, let me know, as ever you can get me on declan1974@yahoo.com.

Clothes:
1 warm jumper, 1 cardigan, I shower proof, heavily insulated rain coat, 1 long sleeve shirt, two short sleeves, 8 t-shirts, 1 Ireland jersey (thanks to the buys at Vordel), 8 pairs of socks (one of which are soccer socks), 6 pairs of jocks, 2 swimming togs, a pair of gloves, 2 pairs of combats, 1 very light Indian sun pants, 1 pair of jeans and one black casual pants, a pair of boot runners, a pair of shoes, a pair of ordinary gola runners and a pair of sandels,

Medicines:
Plasters, Savalon, anti septic wipes, small scissors, anti histamines, antibiotics, motilium, imodium, panadol, dispirin, factor 12 suntan lotion and factor 2. Checked with the doc he reckons for my itinary there’s no need to bring needles!

Electronics
Nokia 6310i with spare, digital camera with 8mb and 128 memory cards, Panasonic NV-DS60b camcorder with 64 card, caharger, spare battery and 5 60 minute tapes, Dell Latitude CPx laptop, creative labs 128memory card/mpeg player. Looks like they operate on 120-220v, and 60hz in Brazil so I’m hoping that will be all right for my laptop and camera? Not sure about the camcorder? Small alarm clock, 50m water resistant Casio wristwatch. Still looking for some plug adapters. Reckon I’ll get them down there.

Gotta run! Getting a train back to Waterford for Saint Patrick’s Day. Have a good one.




Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Bulldogs that Baaahh

Location: Dublin
Temperature: 6o C
Days To Go:12

The Dogs and I have been busy, very very busy! Fail to prepare, prepare to fail: I think it was a provident, pugnacious more than often misunderstood, and misrepresented Cork sport star who spat those words out to a nation of unbelievers. As ever, Brutos and I (Eusebius disagrees) like to take his gleaming pearls of wisdom on board. And as such, I’ve been preparing. The preparation has consisted of: getting someone to rent out my apartment while I’m gone: nice one Jim; organising comprehensive travel insurance, getting new tiles, a new shower and new bog in the bathroom, getting my Vespa sent home to Waterford for good keeping (it’s hard saying goodbye to the black hornet), becoming a government artist for a few weeks, learning how to use my digital camera, burning some of my favourite CDs, purchasing of proper sunglasses and speedos for me and the dogs, and reading and learning more about the Portugese language and Sáo Paulo: my first stop.

Which brings me onto today’s lesson:

Vagabond Lesson #3: Sáo Paulo has an estimated population of 17 million. Hard to get your head around it really! When you consider Ireland has only 4.1 million. It is Brazil’s most modern and cosmopolitan city, with many ethnic neighbourhoods and Brazil’s biggest and best-educated middle class. Paulistanos (inhabitants of the city) call their city Sampa and despite constantly complaining about street violence, traffic and pollution, most won’t dream of living anywhere else. The city was founded in 1554 and became headquarters for the bandeirantes, slave trading pioneers who were largely responsible for expanding Portugese control into the Brazilian interior. In the 18th century, bandeirantes discovered gold in minas Gerais, Goiás and Mato Grosso. In the 19th century the rapid expansion of coffee cultivations in Sáo Paulo state, the construction of railroads, the beginnings of industry and an influx of European immigrants launched the city’s rapid growth that continues today.

The dogs are getting very excited about the trip and If I was truthful I’d have to say I am as well. We can't wait to meet our Brazilian friends, especially: Marcel, Feno, Fena, Carlos and Laura, Salvador, Licoln and so many many more.There hunger is almost baffling. Brutos is as ever barking at anything that moves and Eusebius is uncharacteristically the same. It’s strange seeing the both of them agreeing about so many things. It’s a pleasant change, a phenomena I hope is repeated regularly when we’re on the road.....actaully before I go on, something's been biting me that I need to get off my chest and tell you..... unfortunately friends, I have bad news to report........ this week........:Brutos has had another lapse. I’m not sure If I told you but he suffers from multiple personality disorders. It’s bad enough hat he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorders, and occasionally has panic and mani attacks but it now looks like he suffers from dimentia praecox, or splitting of the mind. The psychosis espisodes manifest themselves in many forms: catatonic, hebephrenic or disorganised, paranoid and acute. We all thought he was just an eccentric old dog, a schizothmia as the doctors have thought me, but unfortunately that’s simply not the case, apparently, schizophrenia runs in his litter. Eusebius thinks it’s hilarious. He's delighted and forever winding up Brutos. I don't think it's one bit funny and am taking it very seriously. I’ve debated giving him some drugs but after consultation with Eusebius we’ve agreed that counselling and psychotherapy will be the way forward. The only thing is we disagree which type: existential counselling, Gestalt, hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming, cognitive analytic, psychodynamic or rational emotive behaviour therapy. He has so many disorders it’s hard to know which one is the right one. For the time being we’re going to just go on the trip and hopefully all will be well. We’ve given him a copy of 'Interpretation of Dreams’ and a few of Klein and Lacan’s papers to read. Hopefully, it will help him understand himself.

There’s one thing I have to mention, it’s kind of spooky. Last Monday,after a big feed he thought he was a sheep. He actually went around Baaahing and trying to leap around as if he was a carefree Waterford lamb out for a carefree stroll in a daisy covered field. The two of us just looked at him incredulously. This episode was quickly followed by him blowing bubbles as if he was a gold fish. The whole thing only lasted five minutes but it was intense. He can’t remember a thing about it. He actually denies it happened. But believe me: it did. He came out with some weird stuff when he was away with the daisies. His prfound grunt was something along the lines of: we three will all go on a journey around the world, but it is I, that will have to put my paws around myself, curl into my wool, and journey alone inside.

So as I was saying it was a busy week. Not only have I had to organise the basics I have also had to worry about a crazy bulldog!!