The Lungs of the World & The Scary Candiru

Location: Jungle
Day: 148
Weather: 37
Tour Operator: Green Planet Tours , cost: 75 euros for the entire trip! Hotels: Hotel Monoco *** and The Tropical Hotel ****

The Amazon houses and possess a mountain of interesting facts figures and statistics that are hard to digest- here are a few openers that you might be interested in: it touches nine of the thirteen countries in south America, it covers 42% of Brazilian land mass, it is the world’s largest concentration of flora and fauna, it is home to the world’s largest river in terms of volume constituting 30% of the world’s river water. Some local academics also contend that it is also the world’s longest river currently attributed to the Nile and at this time are researching that its source is further up in the Peruvian Andes. I could go on forever but I won`t. If you want to know more buy a book or get down here on your next holiday.

Chief and I started our brief exploration of the Amazon in the capital of the state of Amazonian: Manuas. Manuas is situated on the Rio Negro seven miles upstream from the impressive convergence of the Solomines and Negro rivers, which join to form the birthplace of the Amazon River. Manuas is a strange city. There is a huge population of over 2 million and it is juxtaposition of a high tech urban economy, reminiscent of a colonial past and a present day struggling lower class that predominantly come from a poor Indian heritage. It houses some of the biggest manufacturing, research & development, petrol, telecommunication and computer internationals on the planet but at the same time has a very poor infrastructure and has widespread prostitution and unskilled labour. My recommendation would be to come into Manuas and get out to the jungle as quick as possible to utilise all the precious days of your trip to the Amazon. There’s not a lot to see in the city except for the ornate opera house which is a symbol of the opulence that once thrived in the region due to the rubber industry boom that happened two hundred years ago.

A bit like the mosquitoes in the area the tour operators and jungle lodge owners in the Amazon swarm around tourists the minute they step through arrivals. They sell their journeys when you queue for the taxi, they peddle their goods when you are trying to go to the toilet, they tip you on the shoulder when you are shopping in the local supermarket or when you are having a maracuja fruit juice. There buzzing can be heard in the streets. And like their two winged friends they are dangerous. If they bite you your experience of the Amazon could be a disaster. Poor sleeping facilities, slow boats, poor food, non-English speaking guides, etc. I wish their were a Larium, Malarone or Doxiciclina that you could take to prevent their bites but unfortunately our best minds haven’t come up with a repellent yet! Maybe the answer is somewhere deep in the jungle !When picking a tour it is recommended that extreme caution and forward planning be used. Its worth doing your research before you get here as the tourist office in the town is a disaster with little or no literature and staff that can only speak Portuguese. It is as if the there is a tour operating cartel in operation! After a stressful day of shooting around in a taxi trying to find information to compare on tours Chief and I decided after, some debate and haggling with a local weird and wacky Portuguese German eccentric Irish looking tour operator called Nelson to take a two night three day tour with a company called Green planet. And boy was it some experience. It was about as strange as a Daddy Long Legs being put in the heart of an invested jungle lake and told “There you go boy , you’re home, you’re back in the wild, go forth and multiply”. It’s new territory. It’s an unfamiliar world. Having said that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and we rose to the challenge.

Home was a floating lodge 30 feet wide by 50 foot long. Bit like a floating school gym with a tin can roof. Sleeping facilities consisted of several low maintenance rooms consisting of beds and ripped mosquito nets. On the front deck were twelve hammocks. Food was dished up by a one armed chef and consisted primarily of pasta, rice, fried bananas, white fish I don’t know the name of, the smallest and sweetest bananas you’ve ever seen and orange juice, hot milk and water. Sanitary conditions were modest but effective and the seating area to the front was spacious and comfortable and provided a good area to watch the local boats occasionally go by.

Day one of our trip into the unknown consisted of taking a boat from the dock in Manuas to the meeting of the waters. This is a strange phenomenon where the black water of the Rio Negro from Colombia merges with the Solimoes river of Peru. Brought me back to one of my science glasses when I was a kid. If my memory serves me right it was the same effect when you mixed water with oil. Anyone know the technical term send me a mail. Can`t recall it. Anyway they don’t mix so the effect is like a crack in the water where on the left of the boat you have black water which is 5 degrees hotter than the brown water which is on your right. After the meetings we went to our floating camp and within the space of a few hours headed out piranha fishing and crocodile hunting at night. Myself, Chief, Eusebius, Brutos, four friendly Spanish, two beautiful Italian women, a stoic Japanese axe-murder looking man, Flavio our 16 year old ship captain and coconut tree climber, and last but not least, our excellent multi-linguist, ex-army, avid flora and fauna hunter and guide Naronha set off up one of the plenitude of tributaries of the Rio Negro (which is one of the main supplies of cocaine from Colombia in the world) to see what the Amazon would throw at us. After experiencing piranha fishing in the Panthanal, the fishing on the day was a little less fruitful. However what we lacked in luck and skill with our fishing we made up with verve. It was great fun hearing all the members of the boast shouting obscenities at the fish in Japanese, Irish, Spanish, Catalan, Italian, Portuguese and English. On more than one occasion, Chief almost had a catch, but, mischievously, they kept nipping at his bate and cheekily stealing it from under his nose. He wasn`t happy. Same held through for Eusebius, no luck; and Brutos was getting so upset, at one stage I had to restrain him from throwing himself into the water to hunt with his paws and teeth! To date he’s still zero for zero on the fishing front!

After a quick bite of grub we went out again, this time at night, wearing full length clothes and with flash lamps to hunt for crocs. It tooks us hours but we eventually caught a little baby male which we all got a chance to handle. It was only two or three feet long (but will grow to about twenty foot when an adult). Felt like holding a scaly snake! The best part of the trip for me was the experience of listening to the boat glide through the river and dodge the various tall towering trees that sprung up from the river forest. It was a constant feat of dexterity on the part of Flavio the navigator at the back of the boat from keeping us from crashing into a giant tree and capsizing. The beauty was in the symphionic choruses, blurbs, oinks, chirps, whistles, squeeks and sounds that surrounded us from all the various wild animals. There night talks and screams were like a beautiful orchestral performance. Most impressing on my mind was the very clear picture of the heavens dotted with an uncountable amount of starts and clouds, all reflecting off the water below. The water was so clear it acted like a mirror and gave a surreal effect of two night skies. To make things even better. Fire flies kept shooting past the boat in the night making it look as if there were shooting stars in the water and only a mere hand grasp away. A beautiful experience. And one which I hope comes out some what well on the cam corder so I can relive it again.

On another Amazon high pitch note I need to explain something to you!!! You’ve all heard of your fair share of frightening animals that exist in the Amazon? Permit me a minute to remind you of a few. You have Malaria carrying mosquitoes, stinging ant armies that march in huge phalanxes, a wide variety of frightening spiders- tarantulas and black widows- and a hoard of other spiders that hunt with webs that they throw at their prey, spiders that hunt in packs for snakes and birds and others that create webs that are the size of big fishing nets. Then there are the cats: the majestic but deadly Puma, the noble but lethal Jaguar, the slender but cunning Oclet, and much more. And let’s not forget the birds of prey, the hawks and eagles that patrol the skies. And unfogetably we have the snakes, which are world famous: lightening quick vipers, strangulating pythons and bone crushing anacondas and a multitude of highly toxic brightly coloured snakes, frogs and insects that vary in length and girth that you simply don`t want to get into an argument with................. I haven’t even touched on what lives in the waters......... Creatures, which in my opinion, are some of the most frightening animals in the world. Razor sharp piranhas, snapping and wrestling caymens and up to 13 stone clandestine man eating ugly looking pucajuras ….but let’s forget them for a moment. There is one that you might have never heard of which for me is the most frightening of them all. One of the most fearsome animals of the human race anywhere on the planet. Let a 25 foot crocodile attack me and bring me to the bottom of a lake, let a 30 foot aconaconda digest me over a month, let the razor sharp claw of a jaguar rip at my back and tare at my neck before letting me be taken by this abomination. His name is the "CANDIRU" and he frightens the living day lights out of everyone I know. I need to tell you a little about this merciless, bringer of EXCRUCIATING pain, mother f*c*er, enemy of the human race. There are actually two distinct groups of fish known as candiru in Brazil. The so called “whale catfish” famous for the rapaciousness with which they attack hooked fish much like piranhas and bathers alike, and the smaller, gill dwelling catfish that have become legendary for swimming into unlikely human orifices (including the vagina, anus, nose and ears). These needle shaped fish are adapted to dwell in the gills of large catfishes where they extract muscus and blood. Traditionally, menstruating women avoid candiru infested waters for fear their blood may attract these water demons. According to native folklore these fish are also attracted to urine and they are reputed to be able to enter the penis of a man urinating by the side of a river by swimming up the urine stream. Reports are no doubt apocryphal. Candiru do on occasion however enter the urethra by both male and female bathers more than likely attracted by the urine. However remote the likelihood of this unpleasant event the mere prospect is sufficient to cause even the most avid bather of thinking twice before he enters the water and has made Chief develop an unusual technique of diving into the water with one hand protecting his grind and the other guarding his back passage!

Day two consisted of trekking into the jungle for a class on flora and a spot of torantical hunting . It only lasted a few hours but it was action packed. The guides were brilliant. They showed plants that produce sap that make anti-cancer remedies. Trees that produce rubber, and produce the primary ingredients for bubble gum, and others which branches act like filters to retain water for the locals to cut down and drink from when trekking through the jungle for days on end. Very educational. And straight out of a Michael Pallin documentary. I really enjoyed it. Later in the day we did a little canoeing up the creeks to see some more flora and then went to a local woman`s house which in the space of half an hour turned into a pub come, smallest night-club you`ve ever seen. Strangest, but one of the coolest bars i`ve ever been in: the pool table had a 20 degree slant on its left hand side, you had to go through the old woman`s sitting room to get to the one tiolet and the locals pooled up in thin long stick baots to oggle at the gringoes and hit the odd tree on their way home full of petrol tasting vodka and canchasa. Great fun.

Third day was a quick trip to a local indian home where we had a chance to see some of the local farming crops and buy some of the local jewelery. Chief and I got on well with a 6 and 11 year old kid and spent most of our time being thought how to play football by them on a small beach. By the end of the day it was a full scale 5 on 5 international soccer match with a dip in the river, a refreshing fruit juice and a slow boat back to the camp to chill out. A great end rto a great trip.

Recommendations:-Bring anti-malaria tablets with you before you come they are surprisingly desperately hard to buy when you get here.-A pair of night vision glasses like the military have would be like a dream come through-high power head torch a must-Camcorder is a must as well as heaps of memory on your digital camera-Get anti-mosquito spray that has in its ingredients DEET 100%. The mossies hate this stuff.-Bring some of your own food with you into the jungle: any of the sugar based products will give you a daily boost in case the food is not agreeing with you.

Some more observations

[1] The north is far poorer and cheaper than the south. Having been here 4 months my opinion to date is that Brazil is not only a Continent due to its colossal size but it is a dichotomy between a first world economy in the South East ( Rio, Sao Paulo, Florianopolis, Porto Alegre) and then the third world which is the rest of the country.
[2] Most internet cafes don’t have a 2.0 USB port. Especially, outside the 1st world and prices vary between 1.5 euro and 4 euros an hour and between a 56 and 512 speed. Fastest speed I experienced was a T1 in Sao Paulo airport.
[3] In Brazil the country is littered with public phones with the number 31 on it. Basically if you want to make a call within the country you have to type 031 + prefix (e.g. 11 SP) and then number.
[4] Reception frequencies can be very wobbly if not non-existent in parts of the north.
[5] Agua de Cocas can be bought for R$ 50c in the north i.e 12/13 cents back home.
[6] Internal flights in Brazil are exorbitant. Already mentioned in a previous blog but worth commenting on again. If possible, if travelling extensively in Brazil, more than likely best by and air bus ticket from home with one of the star alliance members before you come.
[7] There are little or no train services in the country. It’s primarily buses, then flights and next cars. Outside of the 1st world regions and outside the main cities around the country the roads are poor. Doing a highway 1 or a route 66 is not a real runner. However you could rent a buggy and take on the distance going from beach to beach if you had the time.
[8] There are a huge variety of fruits and vegetables. But I haven’t seen a turnip, cabbage or goose berries on my travels. Not yet.
[9] In the few youth hostels that I was in it is well worth having an international youth hostel one year membership card. You can nearly always get 10% off the price.
[10] Some bus rides for example Porto Alegre to Manuas can take up to 4 days. As such they have some of the most comfortable buses you can imagine. Fully reclining chairs, TVs, videos, chefs, shower facilities. Basically, close to 1st class service on a plane.
[11] Was enquiring about a 3 bedroom, 65m, 5th floor apartment, in a good area, 3km away from the beach resort of Ponta Negre in Natal. The cost was approximately 29k euros. Not a bad little investment considering the city is becoming recognised as Brazil’s surf city and is constantly beginning to swell in numbers.
[12] When getting a taxi you can take your standard car taxi or take a ride on the back of a motor bike for a little cheaper. Felt strange the first time seeing it and taking one but now its par for the course.

In Manuas, in the centre of Brazil It`s hot, real hot. And it's humid, real humid. Taxi man told us that it hit 40c at midday. I`d believe him. Hottest ,most humid weather i have experiemced in Brazil since i`ve been here. Actually,probably the hottest place i have ever been to, ever. Tomorrow will be field research. We need to hunt down the best 4 or 5 jungle tour we can get our hands on with hight quality conditoins, a good English speaking guide, high octane food and a reasonable price. So far we have been hounded by tour operators peddling their goods. Some are complete chancers that promise you a wrestle with an amacondo, a dance with a snake and a slap up meal with an indigenous tribe that haven`t seen gringoes ever before! Others offer you a trip to a five star jungle hotel that will bring you on multiple one day excursions down rivers, into national parks frought with a wide range of monkeys, snakes and spiders, piranha fishing and a jungle tour that will teach you about the municipal wonders of the magical Amazon vegetation. Others off you a bit of both which we are trying to get our hands on.

Will let you know how it pans out when I get back. Hopefully, i don`t make too many friends with the mosquitoes or creepy crawlies!

Carnival

I’m in the two million plus beach city Fortaleza to the north of Brazil. I’m basking in 29 degrees of sunshine, tapping away on my laptop, wearing my speedos, drinking a refreshing glass of iced Guarana and watching bronzed people dipping into and relaxing by the pool. It’s now day three of the winter carnival. The first two days have been unforgettable. I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life. And both my partners, hounds and masters in anarchy and hedonisms: Chief and Maddog, agree, the Brazilians know how to party in a way that none of us have ever dreamed of before in Ireland, and, in a way we all agree would be hard to match anywhere in the world. We’ve all done our fair share of travelling over the years, but none of us can remember having such a non-stop, rollercoaster, run of fun like we’ve had these last few days. And the beauty of it all is there is more to come! Nossa!

I’m sure you’ve heard how the old saying goes: sometimes words are simply not enough to explain the true meaning or feeling of a place or experience. Sometimes words allow you sketch or charcoal an image or concept. But that’s it. There often circumscribed. Sometimes you need more than letters and numbers to paint a true picture. You need other tools. You need more senses, more mediums; more methods. You need different brushes, inks and papers. This is such a time. This is the carnival. You have to see the colours, smell and taste the food, you have to let the music shoot into your ears and reverberate through and envelope your heart and soul, you have to shake your booty like you’re a big giant African Momma, you got to jump as high as you can clapping, shouting and roaring with the people to your front, back, left and right. You have to take on the persona of the Brazilians on their home turf doing their world famous home thing. You have to come to Brazil. No video, no DVD, no TV program, no book, no blog can come close to describing how much fun it is. You got to haul your ass down here and shake it if you want to know what the carnival is all about.

This is how the last two days have panned out. Oh yeah, before I go on let me explain one fundamental thing about the carnival. The carnival can be the one they have in Rio were you see flamboyant floats with dancing, smiling people on top dressed in bright, exotic over the top costumes. Or in some cases not dressed at all except for a few bits of string and the odd pin here and there. This is more of a pageant then a carnival. Bit like Paddy’s day. You don’t really take part, its more a spectator spectacle. Then you have the other type of carnival which is: get it there, get dirty, sweaty, take a major part in carnival. This type of carnival is the Salvador type carnival where the majority of the music played is by the famous musicians of Salvador. I prefer the interactive, hands on, ears in, hips gyrating approach.

Carnival takes place on the streets. In this case a 4km strip of road parallel to a beach front. Stands are erected on the side of the street and tall hotels and apartment blocks full of colourful people line the streets and fill the air. To get access to the main areas of the carnival we had to pay 50 euros per day. For that you get a sleeveless pink, yellow or orange t-shirt, depending on what day you want to attend. To start everybody meets on a street and stands just behind a large open double decker bus. Then hundreds of stewards get a rope and squadron off the immediate street area beside the bus. Leaving only the curb areas free for those who have not paid for their t-shirt. At about 9pm, or 9.30 the band kick off and the mayhem begins. In our case we went for the famous Chicolete com Banana band. The U2 of Samba. I already saw them once before and once again they didn’t let me down. Their instruments threw sparks into the smiles, hips and feet of the people and lit the place on fire. Everyone loves these guys. If you can get your hands on one of their CDs, do so. I plan on bringing home at least three or four of their albums before I leave Brazil. Anyway, so there you are, behind the bus. There are thousands of people wearing ridiculous t-shirts, everyone is wearing shorts, drinking beer, whiskey or vodka, and non stop, dancing, bouncing and kissing.

The kissing ethic is worth a note. Basically, anything goes in between the ropes. What you have is a load of people out for a good time. You simply have to dance beside a person, try make eye contact, grab a hip, cheekily pinch a bum, stroke a hand or throw a kiss, and that’s it. You know pretty quickly if you are going to get a red card or a green card. Chief on the first night chalked up 45 red cards and 5 green cards. Maddog 23 red cards and 3 green cards. The vagabond, well, let’s just say that the vagabond, like a gentleman, never gives away his antics. That said, Eusebius chalked up 4 reds and a green; Brutos got 68 reds and 3 greens. And that was only the first night. When we all got the swing of it the following night was even more chaotic.

The carnival is like the tour de France. You`ve had one tough day climbing the Pyrenees and need a well earned rest when the alarm clock goes off at 2pm in the evening and you have to get yourself ready again for the physical onslaught. Quick wash, few hours’ sun, a few coconuts and a speedy plate of grub and off again. It’s only day two and Chief is begging for a lip transplant, Jim has a dodgy ankle and my legs could do with a good massage. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we have trained for this type of thing long into the night in the pubs of Dublin, Waterford and abroad for over 15 years and we have to plough on no matter what the physical or emotion consequences. By the end of tomorrow I can see us sleeping a full day to catch up.

Last night we went to the carnival with some two foot tall Irish hats and my camcorder. We got a very warm reception. Chief kept saying that we were conducting a documentary for a local TV channel in Ireland and that he needed a kiss on the camera to show the people back home how Brazilian women kiss. Amazingly it worked. It’s amazing when you a put a camera in some peoples faces what they’ll do. Jim had a different approach, 50 press ups and 10 chins ups on the beach on the way to the carnival, to inflate his biceps, a few stretches of the legs and hips to get ready for the dancing, and loads of “Hey, hey….how are you, one kiss please”. Amazingly it worked. The dogs had a different approach. Eusebius just danced slowly and methodically and waited for the odd Brazilian dog to throw him a glance. He did alright out of it. And surprisingly was very confident with himself when the opportunities arose. Eusebius was like a gattlin gun, anything that moved in his range, he tried to shoot. Considering the amount of red cards and nasty looks he got, it was amazing his ego wasn’t deflated. Paradoxically, he seemed to thrive on it.

I hear some of you out there already ask about quality. To describe this I don`t have to write too much. The simple fact of the matter is that Brazilian women are beautiful as a rule of thumb. They really know how to look after themselves. No pint drinking or major food binges. More like buckets of dancing, exercising and sun bathing. The quality was high with the odd lapse here and there.

Unfortunately, I can’t produce any photos for you as I lost my camera in Rio and in the process of trying to retrieve it. However there is a few snaps up on the blog from some of my recent antics in Sao Paulo with the boys.

Gotta run. blessings to all.

Salvador

Location: Salvador (Pelourinha), Bahia and Pria De Forte
Temp: 27-30c mostly cloudy with outbreaks of sun and showers
Hostel: Albergue das Laranjerias  (R$66 for two bed –toilet + breakfast)
Links: http://www.bahia-online.net/  http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~sergiok/brasil/salvador.html
 
Salvador is all about constant thundering drumbeats; acrobatic capoeira dancers; huge stretches of white, brown and pebbled beaches; Africana-Brazilians wearing resplendent bright colours, skilful beach soccer players and head shaking, body swaying, smoke blowing reggae, afoxe and samba music. I’ve never seen so many dreadlocks or drums in my life! Everywhere you look someone is dancing to or making music, kicking a ball or trying to put a multicoloured “welcome to Bahia ribbon” on your wrist. The place is a live with positive energy. I know now why the majority of Brazilians I’ve met unanimously agree that it is the number one city to experience the world famous February carnival. Forget Rio, Salvador is wear it’s at for carnival if you want to get stuck in and take part.
 
To appreciate the city, its culture and its people you need to know a little about its history. According to legend the city was founded by an Italian navigator, Amerigo Vespucci, in 1501. In 1549 it became Brazil’s first capital. Salvador remained the most important city for two centuries growing rich on exports of sugar cane, gold and diamonds, tobacco, imports of African slaves and cattle ranching in the inland (sertao) regions. It was also world famous for its sensuality and decadence-until 1763 when the sugar cane industry began to faulter and Rio usurped pole position. The city experienced economic problems in the 19th century but nowadays with growing petroleum, chemicals and –helped by a face lift of the beautiful historical centre-tourism. However, for all its development and progression it ostensibly suffers chronic social problems with homeless people, street crime and prostitution rife.
 
The adventure started in Salvador the minute we left the airport. I took the very reasonable airport bus (2 euro, one way) to get to the port area Pelourinha which is situated bang in the cultural-centre of the city. The bus ride was one of the best I ever took. It was one and a half hours in length and rich in spectacles. I gladly would have paid double the price and stayed on double as long. Before getting to Salvador I had never realises there was so many beaches. And I never, for once, thought the city was by and large so intrinsically based on an ocean lifestyle. You learn quickly how to adapt when travelling. And before I knew it I was swinging my hips and banging my fingers to a mysterious beat on the seat in front of me. The dogs couldn’t stop wagging their tails and even the young surf board carrying 12 year old beside me was humming an Ivete Sangalo tune as we cruzed along.
 
My estimate is that the beaches run for about 15 miles. I’ll have to check up a book to confirm it but either way I’d say I’m not too far off the mark. I’ve never seen such a long stretch of beaches in a city before. And all the people seem to be on them. Half the population seems to be skating, cycling, running, walking, catching buses or selling pop corn, sweet corn or coconuts in little palm tree kiosks beside the beach. The other half are playing soccer, pumping weights, body boarding, surfing and snorkelling on the beach. It’s amazing to take it in from the slow moving window of a bus. When I arrived it was about 6pm and the light was fading, the sun was beginning to hide behind an ominous looking grey pall of puffy clouds and a gentle wind had starred to stir, but despite the atypical weather elements it didn’t seem to stop the people coming out in their throngs and thongs. There were thousands of bikinis, sarongs, Bermudas and Havianas on show. And amazingly, like a dream come true, there was almost a soccer match on every beach we passed. One thing that struck me about these games was the variety of pitches and balls that were in use: asphalt, grass, sand and mud; tennis balls, melons, coconuts and real deal footballs. Very cool. More affirmations for why they dominate soccer. The place was banging and hop-bobbing-throbbing with fun. And I couldn’t stop dreaming I was out there. I could see myself with the Irish number three “Deco” jersey the boys from work gave me before I left. I’d be out there strutting my Irish stuff against the Brazilian artists. Big punt up the middle Big Jack style, a shout for Ireland, a few sliding tackles, dirty elbows and an eye gauge, a cross from Brutos at the by line, a knock down from Eusebius, and as sweet as a ripe coconut a left footed half-volley from yours truly into the top right hand corner of the net. Boom! Bang! Keeper covered in dust. Brazilian boys’ mouths open. Ref pointing to the half way line. Nice one. 1-0 to the Gringo! Put that in your straw pipe and smoke it J……….. No need to laugh……… I`m serious………… It’s going to happen one of these days.  Mark my words.
 
Monday was a quiet night due to transit tiredness but with the cells recharged 24 hours later we were ready to take on the town. Tuesday night in Salvador is a big night. Very big. I’ve never known such an atmosphere surrounding a Tuesday night in any other part of the world I’ve visited or read about.  I had previously reported that Monday night can be a big night in Sao Paulo. But while a Monday night in Sao Paulo is like a normal Thursday night with its fair share of life leading up to a weekend. Tuesday night in Salvador is like a full on action packed Saturday night. Let me explain. It starts in the square in the cultural centre of the city. At about 6pm a huge stage is set up for some of the local bands and about 50 stalls are set up surrounding the square mostly selling chilled cans of Skol or Bohemia beer, skewers of a wide variety of meats, sweet cakes, big and small, exotic smoothies with fruits you’ve never heard the name of and don’t want to try pronounce and capoeira and samba paraphernalia. In addition, there is a huge number of individuals, children mostly, constantly asking you if you want your shoes shined, want to buy some cashew nuts, want some grilled mozzarella cheese or want to buy a drum. One punter even offered me a big bottle of Teacher’s whiskey for 10 euros. Declined on that one but I took one little boy up on a shoe shine and another on the delectable, mouth watering, addictively chewy grilled cheese skewer. Sex for the stomach.
 
On the night the Brazilian famous “Olodum” samba band were playing at Largo de Tereza Batista on Rua Gregorio de Matos 53. It`s the main attraction. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see them but luckily enough I got to hear some of them. Basically, by the time I arrived to see them the doors were closed. I’ll be going back in three weeks time so I don’t intend to make the same mistake again. Having said that we were very fortunate to see some of the countries most talented capoeria dancers in action.
 
Capoeira is a martial art that was devised by the Brazilian slaves in the eighteenth century. For centuries that slaves were not allowed to practice martial arts of any description so they cunningly devised an art of their owned that looked like an acrobatic dance but it used in the right manner in combat was lethal. The dance consists of between 4-10 people standing around in a semi-arc. One or two are playing precussion instruments  and singing and one by one the performers get a chance to throw themselves around. The best way I can describe it is as a mix of astanga yoga, kung fu and gymnastics all rolled into one. Mostly, the participants spend 30 seconds on stage and then someone else comes in. Sometimes you will see two of the dancers joust together but most the performances I saw consisted of one person back flipping, bouncing on their hands in a hand stand position, cart wheeling into a double flip, high kicking or free flipping from the ground without the use of hands into the air. I had seen it once or twice in Ireland but it was nothing compared to the Bahia performers. Much more athletic, much more flamboyant and much much more technical. Amazing. Their skill and fitness blew me away. Brutos wants to give it a go next time we go back. He’s so serious about it he bought some of the caopeira pants. I hope he doesn’t break his neck when he gives it ago. He always injures himself when he tries to mimic professional athletics. I’ll try get a snap of it when it happens.
 
The third and last day in Salvador consisted of a two and a half hour bus ride, 80km north, to the highly recommended Pria de Forte. Pria de Forte is a beach resort with a ruined fortress and famous turtle sanctuary.  When there I got an Indian hena-ink tattoo of a scorpion moving to a Chinese peace symbol on my bicep ( you can check it out in the photos), I got some acupuncture on my right ear and I took in an excellent massage. I also managed to cram in some of the Brazil v Paraguay copa de America qualifier and get a little sun.
 
I’m now back in Sao Paulo and with two other dogs from Ireland: the polymath-circumnavigator Chief O’Hara and the fearsome-merciless-man mountain, rip your head off with his bare hands (and worse dancer that I know!!!) Maddog McKeever. The hunting is about to get very interesting. Already one of them has found a bone. Amazing considering their only here two days!
 
I’ve managed to finally compress some of my photos from a variety of my recent trips. There up in the new Brazilian photo folder. Hope you enjoy them.

Praia De Pipa

Day: 117
Location: Pria de Pipa (North East) 
Temp: A hot 31c
Hostel: Posada Piranha (R$40 per night plus breakfast) and Posuada Veriea (R$50 per night + breakfast)
Links: www.natal-brazil.com www.pipa.com.br www.praiadapip.com.br
Books: reading the excellent Pearl again by Steinbeck.
 
Am now chilling it out after the last few hectic weeks in a beach resort 90km south of Natal. The place is buggy heaven with colossal sand dunes surrounding a sea bay. Pipa is very lively and theirs loads of young people hanging out on the beaches, in the bars and restaurants and on the streets. Its got one main street with loads of interesting jewellery, clothes and paint shops. Its also got its fair share of international restaurants and street vendors. Interestingly, it has two very popular bars, right across from each other, called the Blue Bar and the Yellow Bar. Everyone goes to these bars up to 2am and then they very quickly close down and everyone makes the five minutes walk up the hill to the one open-air disco that they have. Last night was mostly techno music and some local Brazilian tunes. I enjoyed it and ended up staying there until the sun came up.
 
The entire resort has a very mellow feel to it. It seems as if the hands on the clock move slower here; maybe something to do with the beaming sun.  People generally are very haphazard with everything they do: getting to the beach, eating, drinking, talking. It’s just what the doctor ordered and I’m now tucking into a few books, working on the tan, studying a little more Portuguese (which is coming on in leaps and bounds) and drinking a few “agua de cocas”, which I can’t get enough of for 20 euro cents a pop.
 
Getting here was fun! First the plane in Noronha was broken so we had a 5 hour delay. The plane company, after busing us all to a restaurant for free food and drinks got us on a plane which they had to rent in from Manaus. Luckily we hitched a free ride with a crazy codeine taking Dutch doctor and a Dutch Soap Opera writer down to Pipa for free. Fun guys.  Since then we’ve hitched to all the beaches or took the 1 real bus everywhere. The people here are very friendly and everyone hitches. Bizarrely the place only has one taxi driver. A deaf dude that drives around a 70s banged up Volkswagen. Seen him twice now and he seems to be doing a roaring trade. For the life of me I can’t understand why there isn’t any competition.  
 
Overall Pipa was well worth the visit. Some of the most spectacular beaches i`ve ever seen. There is a lovely feel to the small town, the people are very friendly, the food is good and at a reasonable price and the quick trip to Dolphin Bay to see the daily appearance of the somersaulting dolphins is unforgettable. Definitely worth making the effort to get here from Natal for at least two or three days.  

Fernando de Noronha

Day: 110
Location: Fernando de Norohna
Tour Guides: Atlantis Diving Centre
Temperature: 27

Fernando de Noronha is a hidden gem. It is a volcanic island that shoots up from the ocean floor. Not many people know of its existence. And I’m glad that it’s that way. Noronha is 26 sq km and 360km off the north east of Brazil. It is nearer to Liberia in Africa than it is to Sao Paulo! It is inhabited by approximately 2,000 Brazilians and at any given one time no more than 420 tourists are allowed on it. To get there you have to take a jet plane for an hour. You can’t get there any other way. On entry you have to pay a hefty enough tax for each day you spend there. I ended up paying 30 euros in total. The island has some unique characteristics in its culture which you can detect straight away when you arrive: the taxis are sand buggies, the police hang out in burmudas and ray-bans on beaches speckled with coconuts and most of the locals have one form or other of a sea animal tattooed on their body. The main attractions are the multitude of gorgeous beaches, the ultra friendly natives and the wild life that hog its coastlines. The island has changed hands on more than one occasion. At first it was owned by the Portuguese explorers of the sixteenth century. It then exchanged hands from the Spanish, to the English to the French and then back to Brazil. It was a hide away for pirates, a penal colony, a navy base for the US during world war two and as of the late 1980s it was officially made a protected marine national park. Now diving is the fruitful waters is the primary attraction. People come from all over the world to experience it and very few go home disappointed. It’s commonly accepted that Noronha has the best diving in Brazil and some say if you didn’t dive there on your visit you really didn’t visit the island. I agree.

When I arrived I checked out as quickly as I could what marine activities I could do. After a couple of hours sussing out the local tour operators, the prices and the content and location of some of the tours on offer I decided that this was the ideal place for me to try get my basic diving (PADI, www.padi.com) certificate. PADI is a certificate that allows you dive to a maximum of 18 meters in all the most popular dive sites in the world. The course takes in 3 theory classes, four dives and a written test. I was very fortunate to come across an excellent tour company called Atlantis and more importantly a brilliant guide. A beautiful young Korean/Brazilain instructor called Sandra. Not only was she very competent and knowledgeable about the myriad details involved in diving she was patient and made me feel assured at all times. And she always had the most beautiful smile on her face. The vagabond salutes her. The course started with getting to know the equipment: first stage, regulator, octopus, equaliser, weight belt, purge button, buoyancy control device (BCD) backpack, cylinder, din-valves, fins, pressure gauge, wet suit, face mask, and much more. Next was a trip into low water to get used to breathing and exhaling into the mouth piece. As part of the course you have to learn how to control your buoyancy which sounds easy but its not. The basic concept is to be able to descend, ascend and hover in the water in a controlled relaxed fashion. The primary way of doing this is by pressing one button on your BCD which inflates your jacket with air to bring you up, another button, which deflates it and helps bring you down and then by exhaling or inhaling air in your lungs to make them increase or decrease the air volume in your body. It takes a little while to master this and at the start you keep pressing the two buttons on your BCD but after a few hours you start to get the hang of it. After learning some of the basics on the first day I got a chance to take my first dive at about 12m which was on a 25m ship wreck just off the port. I thoroughly enjoyed inspecting the massive anchor and looking at the disassembled rusting hull of the boat. Fortunately, on my first dive I got to see a turtle. Unfortunately, he had been spiked by a local fisherman’s hook. It was caught in his mouth and in his back stream the line hung in the water like the tail of a barracuda. My instructor went down and tried to help him but he was a little nervous and instead of accepting her help decided to swim off into the blue. On my second day I did some emergency exercises: learning how to exchange oxygen, emergency ascents, putting on the weight belt in water and putting on the BCD while on the surface. Little tricky but I managed to master it fairly quickly. At the end of the exercise I took my second dive down along a coral reef. It was my first time coming across a multitude of sting rays and the first time that I have come in contact with a wild shark. On this occasion it was a mid sized 1.5 meter reef shark. Innocuous enough but believe me when they start swimming towards your hard jumps a beat. A magnanimous creature. The water was an explosion off colours. I saw flat fish that had silver bodies and pink fins. I saw big fat green and brown speckled fish with razor sharp teeth. There was one cool little fish which was one of my personal favourites that looked like he had a squashed rainbow on his tiny back. Then there were dangerous looking guys, one that looked like a samurai sword with various sized sharp teeth in his mouth. I kept away from him as much as I could. When I told the dogs about him later Brutos reassured me that if he had attacked that he would have leapt from the dive boat, as quick as you can say I’ve found Nemo, and come to my safety. When I prodded Eusebius about it he said he would have let one of the instructors know that I was in difficulty and a professional would have come to my assistance. In the end I didn’t need any help and I simply continued the 45 minute dive studying reef, being mesmerised by fish and hovering through, over and in algae. That night I had a class on breathing at depth. It took in modules on: air, contaminated air, oxygen, nitrogen narcosis, decompression air, redissolution, etc. Diving is a highly technical sport. And the main things I’ve learned about it is always be Eusebi-esqe: conservative, take your time, anal about detail and be prepared. The last dive the following day was magnificent. Sandra kept the best to last and brought me deeper into about 17m water. We explored black caves, undulating caverns filled with fish and tiny tunnel, vents and holes that left little or no margin of error for entry. Very different to the other dives I had done and much more technical. My favourite part was floating through the dark valleys, brushing aside some of the fish and seeing the deep blue abyss in front of you. The whole experience had a massive salty taste of more. I was instantly addicted. Unfortunately, my flight was the next day and one of the golden rules of diving is never dive 12 hours before a flight, so that was sadly the end of the diving on Noronha. That night I say my theory test. And I’m glad to report I passed. I now have my basic PADI certificate. I went out that night and celebrated with a little dancing and a few beers. It now means that when I get to the barrier reef, New Caledonia and some of the beautiful dive sites in Thailand, Sri-Lanka and India I can be captivated and mesmerised once again by the beauty of the many mysterious, tantalizing and truly beautiful animals that inhabit our wonderful oceans.

Note: We met the king of the island. A 40 year old drunk called Lombra. Everybody knew him. His day consisted of drinking tins of Skol beer the minute he got up, copious amounts of rock diving, marijuana smoking, snorkelling pissed, jumping, skipping and dancing. One of the best entertainers I have ever met. He’d make a surly mother superior with a heart, throat, foot, and tooth problem laugh. A special person. Brutos loved him and took a few snaps for the archives.

The Pantanal

Day: 109
Location: Capo Grande, Mato Grosso Do Sul
Temp: 28
Tour Company: Ecological Expedition, 4 stars
Hostel: Campo Grande Youth Hostel, 3 stars
Price: $R320 for guide, tour, accommodation and food, also managed to negotiate 2 free nights in hostel and 1 hour internet access
Tour Duration: 3 nights, 4 days
Links: www.pantanaltrekking.com www.aguasdopantanal.com.br

I’m just finished 3 days of trekking in the southern regions of the Pantanal. The Panthanl is 3 times as big as the Netherlands and as such very hard to take it in its entirety. I concentrated on one of the more popular wetland camps between Corumba and Campo Grande. For those of you that don`t know anything about the Panthanl just think of the Amazon with all its wildness and ferocity and you`re not to far off the mark. The major difference being that the Panthanl is wetlands (marsh, forest and lakes) were as the Amazon is more jungle and river based. My main base was Campo Grande. One of the three primary gateways in the marshlands. It has a population of 700,000, is heavily dependant on pastoral farming and tourism is the home of a very strong Brazilian military presence due to its proximity to the Paraguain and Aargentinain borders. As such it was pretty common to see fighter jets wizzing by in groups of two or threes.

When we arrived in the airport from the Falls we made our way to the bus stop to catch a ride into town and the local tour office to find out what type and with whom we were going to take a tour. But, we never got on the bus in the end and I`m glad we didn`t. A local tour guide called Owl stopped us and asked us did we want a ride to the city: no strings attached. We agreed. Within half an hour we had agreed to take his tour. One of the best salesmen I have ever come across. This bloke could sell an Argentinean soccer jersey to a Brazilian.

To get into the depths of the wetlands and into our camp we had to travel by open-top truck for seven hours. A long time in the heat, but despite the countless ubiquitous royal-pain-in-the-ass mosquitoes that were munching on us, and, despite of the industrial strength cream we had on, it was an enjoyable journey as we got to see a variety of birds, the odd mammal and had blessing to see a juxtaposed crimson purple sun set.

Day one was a simple meal, a visit to our hammocks which were inside a wooden shelter- home for the next few days-and the organisation of a wake up call for 7.30am the next day. When we arose we went on one of two three hour walks (I regrettably this time did the bare foot thing again) into high grass prairies, bogs, pools and forests. Our guide was constantly on the watch out for animals and would stop us if he saw anything. On show was armadillos, basically funny looking supped-up, armour plated mouses as far as I could tell; multi coloured parrots; huge blue friendly macaws, venomous snakes and ugly crocodiles. Also a huge variety of big, small, skinny, round and tall birds, speckled, dappled and spotted butterflies, green, black, red and brown ants and loud, quiet, benign, poisonous, down right ugly and down right funny looking frogs. Also more commonly spotted were zebu cows which the local farms tended to and herds of shy deers. Day two for me was more exciting. We started with some piranha fishing in a lake that was an hour away from the camp. We used steak meat as bate and amazingly the little predators kept chomping on the hooks for hours and hours as if their lives depended on being hooked to a flashing spike. By the end of the day the group of people we were with had amassed at least ten catches. Most of which were thrown to the alligators on the bank that were studying our every move. The rest were brought back to the camp to be cooked. For me the highlight was watching the guide demonstrate how the piranha bites. He simply placed some grass in its mouth and it snapped into action with its razor sharp teeth. Luckily enough they didn’t cause us too much problems in the water while we fished. Instead of coming for our legs and hips they seemed more interested in the bate. However, that said the water was dangerous, an Irish girl who was in the camp the day before we arrived wasn’t as lucky as we were. Our guide told us that while she was fishing a giant five foot otter (there almost instinct) attacked her and bit her on both legs. Believe me when I say that these things. Even scared Brutos who is not easily scared. She ended up going to hospital and the guide told us that it will probably be two weeks before she walks properly again.

After the fishing we spent the evening riding horses through the prairies. We spent about two and a half hours going through a variety of terrains. It had been years since I was horse riding so I really enjoyed it. Galloping, trotting and bucking brought a constant necklace of smiles, laughs and screams around my face. I had a little mare called White Silver. A curious little bullet of a beast with a hint of an attitude problem. On one occasion he just lay down on the ground and refused to move. Almost crushed my right leg but fortunately I was able to get out of my stirrup in time. He eventually got up after getting one or two gentle whips from my guide.

That night in the camp Una organised a Panto-vision ( cross between the Euro vision and some of the local Brazilian samba music) It was fun and everyone joined in. All the nationalities were lined up in horse shoe formation around a huge log fire. The Brazilians kicked it off with banging of multiple drums and a serious of soccer tunes, the English went next followed by Polish, French, Canadian, Scottish, Slovakian, Israelis, Australian and Irish. There was also a competition at the interval to see who could down a can of beer the fastest. The Irish contestant was a joke and got more beer on his chest then in his mouth, the Israel contender forgot to put his finished can on his head, the French contestant cheated by opening his can before he started. Surprisingly, completely against the bookies favourites, the dark horse winner was a shy quiet Austrian. A titan of a beer drinker. And the best fisher of the day I might add. Obviously a man with many talents. Great fun. And captured on film.

Overall, the Panthanl was a wonderful experience. I’ve never been so close to so many exotic animals outside a cage. I never seen howler monkeys screech continuously into the night as they run from branch to branch; I’ve never seen alligators chump on fish and scurry into lakes; I’ve never had a macaw perch itself on top of my arm or steal my shampoo; I’ve never been bitten by green ants that produce a sting like a wasp; I’ve never made jewellery out of cactuses; I’ve never got a tattoo from a fruit that lasts for supposedly three weeks and I’ve never ate piranha teeth and flesh. Hopefully, I’ll get to do it all again and more when we get to Manuas and the Amazon in a month’s time.

Note: Before I went trekking I was walking down the street in Campo Grande when I happened on something I had always seen on TV but never directly experienced. There was an open gate on the side of the street that revealed a sermon taking place. It was one of those ones like you see in America where a preacher is eulogising and showering down homilies and diatribes at the seemingly possesses crowd as if the apocalypse was upon us. People were roaring crying, some were holding their heads in their hands and sobbing and weeping and others were on the ground crouched down on walls shaking and gently hitting there hands off the ground. Strange. It was if the orator had cast a spell and everyone was puppets on a string acting out his every whim. At the end the crowd handed up envelopes of money up on the alter queued for a CD of the sermon!

Fact: Mosquitoes live for approximately 7 hours and come out to feed and die at dusk and dawn. I hate them. Eusebius couldn’t stop itching his bites.

Vagabond Tip: A piece of equipment that would be worth buying would be a super light, super small, super strong monocular. It would help looking at various different things at long distance. It would have been cool to inspect some of the shyer animals that kept at a distance and were harder to study.

The Iguaçu Falls

Day: 98
Temp: 21
Location: Argentina, Puerto Iguacu

As Catararas do Iguacu (Iguazu in Spanish) are the most overwhelming and spectacular waterfalls in South America. They consist of a sub tropical rainforest park covering 170,000 ha, 275 separate falls, a 28-km gorge and bridges connecting the Brazilian city of Foz de Iguaçu with the Argentine town of Puerto Iguacu and the Paraguayan city of Ciudad del Este. And if that doesn't wet your taste buds enough. There's plenty more on offer :a daily deluge of international snap-happy tourists, camouflaged ornithologists, ground breaking scientists, friendly raccoons, white ear opossums and poisonous red and black heliconius butterflies, five members of the toucan family, black-capped screech owls, shy jaguars and fearsome pumas, yellow-billed cardinals, red-crested finches and a whole load of other land, water and air creatures which would probably need a National Geographic, Lonely Planet or British Encyclopedia to name.

The Falls are a fifteen hour bus journey or a one and a half hour flight from Sao Paulo. Myself and my recently arrived good friend Una Kearns went for the latter and more comfortable option. The flight landed us on the Brazilian side of the falls (around 80% of the falls lie in Argentina, but there are national parks on both sides). We decided to make our way straight to the park at 4pm in the evening to take in as much of the park as we could before it closed at 6pm. Fortunately, it was more than enough time to take the 2km trek to see the sites. Afterwards, we got out passports stamped and went across the border to the highly recommended Holiday Inn hostel. Without doubt, the coolest hostel i`ve ever been in. Huge. With really friendly, informative staff, excellent food and a brilliantly designed reception area including pool tables, hanging chair hammocks, countless books, giant couches and unsually carved towering wooden chairs(watched Zidane and co drop a few tears in their European Cup and had a couple of the local beers while there).

Day 2 was a full day which started off at 12am with the excellent safaris adventuras tour company and a 8km jungle tour which brought us along the edge of the park and into the rain forest. The excellent trilingual guide warned us to take care not to be stung by the giant acidic innocuous looking netal leafs that cover the forest floor and hypnotised us when teaching us about the very tasty heart of the palm fruit tree, which takes six years to ripen before being ready to be eaten (the plant is a protected specious in Argentina but not in Brazil, were it grows more freely). Next we caught a speed boat with twenty others tourists taking a 2km ride along the Iguazu river and into the rapids. The boat journey was fast and furious and brought us through a valley with scores of various sized waterfalls on each side of us which seemed to playfully join in the singing of the boats engines and peoples screams. The river then split into a fork and we got a glimpse from the river base of the awesome Guarganta del Diablo (Devil`s Throat, have a look at the link above and snaps). This is a jaw drop, must see, spectacle. Viewed from below, the rolling, thundering, crashing water is truly beautiful in a setting of orchids, ferns and palms. And incredibly, above the impact of the water, upon basalt rock formations hangs a 30m pall of clouds and mist which makes it impossible to see the base of the falls. In comparison, the Niagara Falls look like a piddle Eusebius or Brutos would take on the side of the road. A true beast of nature. To be respected, revered and marvelled at. Extremely aggressive, frighteningly powerful. There was no chance of going up to see it by boat. Far too dangerous. The only way to look at in the face was afterwards from the top of the park. On the other side of the fork in the river was a paradisiacal enclave spectacle with a colasseum of over twenty waterfalls and one other stand alone monster, the second most powerful fall in the park, called San Martin. This was the one accessible by boat. Thankfully, we were blessed to have a rainbow at the periphery of the plummeting water. And our captain was bold enough to take us into it and drench us. I've never been inside a rainbow before. It felt like I was being baptised for the second time. It is something I will not forget for a long time. Hopefully, the camcorder footage I managed to perilously sneak in will do it justice on screen. After a good old soaking we climbed a little up the side of a cliff and took a really small wodden train to the top of the park to get a better glimpse of the Devil. From the top, standing out on a man made platform, in my opinion, the view was better than from the base of the river. It's kind of funny when you see it. When you look to the right of the fall you have a pond like river with hardly a ripple in it. Looks like a place you could row a little one man boat, chill out, hang a line over board, take a nap and wait for your catch, a couple of hundred feet away is one of the most powerful waterfalls on the planet. If you go over the top of this one there simply is no coming back.We spent 6 hours on the Argentinean side. More than enough.

The experience in the park can be easily taken in one and a half days. For us we spent half a day on the Brazilian side of the falls and the second on the Argentinean. Overall, the Falls are very impressive and highly recommended. A quick in and out is definitely worth the trip.

Next stop the marsh wetlands of the Panthanel!

The Competition Has Begun: Daisy Chain Lost-Monday

Location: Sao Paulo
Temp: 28

Today Eusebius walked up to me, handed me a jar full of daisies and a piece of toilet paper with a big long web address on it in blue ink. Ì`ve put it up here for you to look at: Monday

http://us.f2.yahoofs.com/bc/40578f0f_af21/bc/Daisy+Chain+Lost+Script/
Daisy+Chain+Lost+Monday.doc?bfvbK2AB5TZBS4CE

He then told me that he had by and large finished his script but needed a few more days before he handed up the whole thing. He needs the days to fine tune a few bits and pieces. Not sure what exactly, he didn’t say. He pointed to the crumpled piece of paper and said that what he had given me was simply the first instalment. He knows that I have never read a screenplay before so he gave me the quickest tutorial known to man on what to watch out for. As best I can remember it went something like this:

“First and foremost Master remember that reading a screenplay is completely different to reading a Keats poem, a Casey play, a Crichton book, Beano, Buster, Dandy or that awful Sunday Independent you seem to have time for. It’s all about the big screen. It’s TV. It’s film. Its popcorn and coke. Its wine gums and ice cream. You know what I mean? Stop me if you’re loosing me. It’s a form of writing designed specifically for the camera, the director, for the actor……. Why are you looking at me like that?........ Alright, you got me, i agree, the scriptwriter does part of the directing. I’ll give you that, fair enough, BUT, and don’t make this mistake, because it’s a common one, how the text comes to the screen is the job of the director: artistic responsibility. My job is: plot, character, dialogue, structure, exposition.

When reading bear this in mind please, it’s important. When you read it you are afforded the privilege of being all these people rolled into one. To a large degree you decide on the setting, the look, the feel. There’s more, I’m tired so I’ll keep this short, if you want me to elaborate or recommend some web sites or books send me a mail and I’ll sort you out. Right, lead on MacDuff and damn be him who first cry hold enough. Sorry about that, artistic license. Here are a few other things you have to know:

1.The industry standard is Courier, 10pt font. I’ve used it.
2.Scripts are in the active tense. You don’t say he went, he got, he will get, he used to get. It’s all about describing what you see in the NOW, THE PRESENT, e.g we see Mr x getting, Mr x lifts up an axe and swings it violently at the poodle, Mr x is wearing nothing but a ripped pair of Speedos two sizes to small for him. Get it! Good. It’s all about describing what is on the screen NOW. Want me to say that again. It’s all about describing what is on the screen………N…..
3.At the start of scenes you see in capitals INT. or EXT. This means the scene is being conducted internally, maybe inside a room or hallway. EXT. means that the scene is external, maybe in a field or on a road. Usually followed after these terms is a little more detail where the scene is happening and whether it is day or night. Or occasionally what time it is.
4.If you see in brackets letters like V.O that means voice over. Remember Mike Hammer, or that other detective that looked like Hammer, but had a flash wheels and lived on a cool beach, MAGNUM PI I think was his name, yeah; okay you should have it now.
5.The odd time you’ll come with camera terms like, FADE TO, CUT TO, DOLLY PASS, PAN THROUGH. These aren’t scientific notations on the guiding system for a Scud missile. There simple terms that are largely self explanatory. Just think of the camera moving slowly, focusing in, pulling back, or switching to a new scene.
6.There usually is a title sequence like you see in the flicks. I’ve gone for a montage or a serious of images. I think they work. But you can be the judge of that. I was going to select music as well but on this occasion decided not to. You can do that yourself if you want.
7.The first time a character appears in a script he is in capitals and then he usually goes to lower case. If words are in capitals it usually means the camera is zooming in on it. I do it most of the time. It's hard to keep track of sometimes. If I make the odd mistake, please let me know.

Okay, I think that’s it. I can’t remember anything else. I pulled a Kerouac on it i.e. without the stimulants. I’m tired, or as some of the other dogs down here would growl: eu estou com muinto sono. I’ve been at it now non stop for three weeks. I’m pretty slow at this thing but I’m nearly there. Will take a few days off and then get back to the last bits and pieces. On yeah, you’re supposed to finish the sentence of a passage of dialogue for an actor on the same page. If you need to continue on the next page you should write (cont’d). I haven’t bothered with it but that’s alright it’s not as if it’s going to be landing on an agents table or anything.”

That was kind of it. Before he left he simply said, “Okay, got to go get some kip in the kennel Master. You can kill the puppy now.” He looked really tired. I reckon he’s going to sleep for at least two days. He’s got my ears cocked though. That bulldog is smarter than Eusebius thought. Well, we’ll see. I’ll reserve judgement until I’ve read the full piece. Think I’ll have a little peak at it now though. My eyes are kind of itchy for some reason and my fingers feel a little twitchy!!!